May 18th, 2010 
Dana Fisher Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. ~Hebrews 11:1
I am not married. Never have been. And I can see a lot of people coming out and saying I have no right and no basis for writing some of the things I have written on relationships. The Lord gives wisdom to those who ask, even among things they would not normally be considered an expert.(proverbs 2:6, 1 Corinthians 2:6-7, James 1:5)
Most of you have probably seen the movie Good Will Hunting. Matt Damon plays a janitor gifted in mathematics. Just because you aren’t schooled in one particular area does not mean you are not gifted in it. It takes a particular person(Jesus) to pull these gifts out and begin using them for His glory.
Why do I preface my post with this? Because when your relationship with Jesus crumbles, so does every other relationship in your life. Sure, you have highs where everything seems good, but if you were to chart your relationship on a graph it would look like a sine wave. A relationship built on Christ looks like a line moving towards positive infinity, always on the move, always moving up.
There is a growing epidemic and it’s not just divorce rates(which are alarmingly high). But think about the people you know and the relationships they hold. There is an air of apathy towards it all. “Well, I’ll just date him for a little while and when we get annoyed with each other we’ll break up.” Really? That’s it?
God’s intentions for relationships was not little blips on our radar screen. They were meant to be long lasting and meaningful. The more time you spend with someone the more you know them. The more you know them the more vunerable you are because they know you inside and out. They can expose you. But they can also help you. But we tend to get to the point where we recognize the vunerability and snap back to avoid any danger.
I’m guilty. I don’t like to be vunerable. I’m the strong one. I have “a good head on my shoulders”. I “do the right thing”. I’m the one “people look to”. I have a friend who I’ve known 16 years now, since I was 12. We grew up together in church. Ask him how much he knows about me and he’ll tell you that only in the last couple years has he really figured out who I am. Because before that, I was willing to listen to his problems and fix him, but wasn’t willing to fix myself. And so everything was bottled up inside. On the outside I still looked perfect, like God had just given me a wash and a fresh coat of wax. Inside I was hurting and felt like I could talk to no one without being exposed as a liar.
Jesus tells us to come to Him when we are weak and weary and He will give us rest.(Matthew 11:28) I like to think of this not as a request but as a command. Come here! Come and be free! It really is simple.
Another friend commented to my brother several months ago, “Dana seems different. He offered to help me do [this] and even said [this].” My brother told me one night and said You are totally different now that you are dating her.” I admit it had nothing to do with “her” and everything to do with “Him”.
A relationship isn’t 2 people, it’s 3. And if Christ isn’t there to hold the two together they slowly drift away. Little things get blown out of proportion into what seem to be big things. In reality they are still small, but without the Lord the heavy weight to give up saturates and burdens us.
Drifting away from Jesus means you are drifting away from all your relationships: spouses, girlfriend/boyfriend, and friends. Try to look at yourself from the outside when it happens. I know when I do I see anger seeping in. I begin shrinking away from hanging out with people. I don’t want to talk anymore. But giving up is selfish. It only handles my needs for the moment, not taking in to account the needs of others around me.
And when communication stops Satan jumps right in. Now is his chance to whisper in the dark all those things you think you’re thinking. Your head begins spinning and your mind starts to race. Tension rises and explosions start taking place like you’re on the beaches of Normandy.
One of my favorite movies is What about Bob. There is a scene where Siggy(the son) is talking to Bob about diving. He’s on the dock but he just can’t force himself to do it. He’s afraid to drown. “I mean, my Dad just dropped me in the water, without warning me first. I mean, I nearly drowned! My whole life flashed before my eyes!” He says.
That’s the point, at some point we have to become vulnerable if we want to make things work. Faith is belief in the unseen. The things we “think” are there, we “believe” are there by faith. Stepping out might make you look foolish but it might be the best thing that ever happened to you. You’ll never find that toe-curling, heart racing moment if you aren’t willing to lay it all on the line. In there there are metaphors for not only relationships but for believing in Christ, that He died for you. That He can change ANYTHING.
Take a leap of faith and start communicating, and bring God back in to the picture. Without Him your communication is hollow.
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