Impassioned Prayer

Lord, I don’t understand.

My heart is heavy and my eyes burn. I hear the rain falling outside my window and wonder why it’s falling on everyone. Will it stop?

I’ve always known that pruning was painful and I’ve seen some light pruning over my years but nothing like this. Your shears are cutting deep and further back than I’ve ever seen. Many it seems are falling prey to the pleasures of this world. You’ve pruned and they’ve withered and fallen away.

Satan has tricked us, each in our weakest point, in to believing there’s nothing better. He’s drawn on our selfishness and brought us to places where our desires are fulfilled. When will You call them back home? Will You call them back home?

I’m a broken man, a man who sees no place here for his head. I’m not who You need me to be. I’m afraid. Yet You call me to something greater. Why me?

I have only known some for a short time but my heart breaks as though I have known their love for years. My heart gets attached so quickly and I wonder how You deal with millions breaking Yours. The ache makes it worse. I can’t sleep at night as I wrestle with the confusion.

What is your plan? What is the goal of all this? I know I can never understand all that You are or all that You are doing, but it can’t hurt to ask.

You’ve given me gifts I don’t deserve, blessings without strings and I’ve come to be humbled. Please pour me out. As my roots strive to grow deeper help me to withstand the pushing and pulling. Help me to bear fruit in all seasons. Give me strength to help others even when I feel lost and empty myself. Use me as you see fit and restrain my lips from grumbling and complaining. I commit myself to Your will. I am wholly Yours.

Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t understand what you are doing inside of me. I don’t understand why everyone seems to be falling apart. But I trust You. In the midst of all this chaos, I trust You. Thank you for listening to me in the middle of the night when no one is around.

Amen.