April 27th, 2010 
Dana Fisher And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber… ~Romans 13:11
It’s possible that every generation sees what I see. That the cycle continues on and I am just maturing enough to recognize it from my adolescence. To see it through my eyes in the lives of those younger than me(and some older) becomes a sharp pain in the heart. And yet, I am only human, and I wonder how God feels about it? I’m talking about relying on grace as our “out”.
I readily admit that I am a victim as well. On more than one occasion I have thought about my actions beforehand(understand this means the Spirit prompting me)and thought well, the Lord forgives. There is an air of arrogance to our actions. To feel as though we have time as young people to fool around and do what we want. To “be a kid” and grow up later. I’m sad when I think about the years I’ve wasted on meaningless activities. Wasted opportunities haunt me.
The below lyrics really typify the way I’ve felt a lot:
This Beautiful Republic – A Point Between Extremes
I’ve been thinking about
The paths that my life
Has gone down
I’ve pushed a crown
Of thorns in my brow
To show my salvation
Worked out
With all the knowledge
I had learned
Anchored to righteousness
I’d earned
Now I’ve gone the other way
Depended too heavily on grace
I need a reprieve
A point between extremes
I’ve come to a breaking point. To the realization that I need a reprieve. I need repentance for the grace I take for granted. Peter in his first letter says: “As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry.(1 Peter 4: 2-3) I’ve wasted to much time using grace as a crutch.
If my heart hurts for these people what in the world is God doing right now? Is it that unrealistic to think that He cries all day? Is He dropping signs down in front of you like falling boulders every day but you shrug them off because you are so far from him you don’t remember what He sounds like or what His signs are anymore? Gideon asked for a sign and when he got it he said “wait, one more and I’ll know it’s you”.(Judges 6: 36-40)
I can see God annoyed at the implications here. Gideon has requested 3 signs. I think at this point perhaps Gideon has to much confidence. Maybe arrogance is creeping in and God says you know what, you have to many men. 32,000 men widdled to 300…now I can use you.
I think that’s what I’m going through, and what each of us deals with at some point in our own way. We say give me a sign you want me to live different, wait one more, maybe just one more…Maybe when I’m out of school, maybe when I get married, maybe…Arrogance slowly oozes over us like oily sludge and the Lord begins cleaning us up and breaking us down. We get to such a low and He says, NOW, now I can use you.
But the human side of me is still disappointed that it takes all that work to get me to that point. The Lord is like the father of the prodigal son(Luke 15), so excited that I’m back, but I’m so disappointed it’s taken all this to get me here. We depend to heavily on grace being there when we’re ready. Truth is, your time may run out before your ready and then what do you make of the life you wasted away?
The start of the song above goes like this:
My heart is tired
Of feeling suffering
My mind keeps wondering
Who I should be
If all of the above goes in one ear and out the other, let this one question stick in your mind for some time and really ask yourself: “Who should I be?”
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