October 5th, 2009 
Dana Fisher Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. ~Psalm 62:8
A little story I thought I’d pass along.
I hear a still small voice saying “trust me” as fears and doubts pour in my head daily. And I speak back saying “I want to but I can’t see you”. I feel like I’m in a pitch black building with no windows. There are obstacles all over the place and I’m bumping my knees and stubbing my toes. I’m crying, part from fear, part from pain, and I just want to get to the door where there is fresh air and sunlight. There are whispers all around and I hear the scurrying of little feet like nails on a chalkboard. My flesh tenses and my head darts from side to side but I still see nothing. I’ve been walking for hours and from the outside everyone could see that I’m walking in circles, but not me. The fears and doubts clutter my mind. They confuse my feet and keep me searching for answers I’ll never find. These moments keep me distracted from the door. I lose focus of where it is as I’m engaged in fighting the urge to scream at every creak and whisper. I bang my shin and am spun in another direction. Yet I don’t realize it because I’m worried about the pain. I run my fingers down it to feel the pain. Is there blood, is it broken? Do I need a banage? Can I walk? And stand up once again from my crouch, weary, as I head further in to the darkness but I’m heading south and the door isn’t this way. It’s been months, maybe years. I feel hungry and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth, parched for water. My back is aching with shooting pains and my feet are blistered and bleeding.
And I hear it again, “trust me”. And I’m terrified.
“Is that You? I can’t see your face, who’s there?”
“Trust Me”.
I get discouraged. “How did I get here? LORD! how did I get here?”
Suddenly a flicker like a low burning candle in the distance. A quick glimmer casts a shadow. To my left, I CAN SEE IT! I turn and start to run, but my run turns to a hobble. I’m broken and hurting and can’t run. I’m limping as fast as I can and striving to make it. Have I found the way? And as quickly as it appeared I’ve lost the light. Are my eyes playing tricks on me? Was it there? “I can do this” I think to myself. But my stride has fallen off and I’m walking again. Both hands stretched out in front of me passing frantically from left to right checking for danger.
I begin thinking about that voice. Trust me. What should I trust for? What decision was it meant for? I’ve asked so many questions and gotten no answers. Do I take the job or not? “trust me”. Do I end this relationship? “trust me”. My heart sinks as I realize how broken and disoriented I really am. The answer was there each time and yet I kept waiting. Dragging out the terms for a yes or a no, listening for only the word I wanted to hear. But there was no ‘yes’ and there was no ‘no’.
I felt something and looked down and He was holding my hand. And He reached up and touched my ear with His other hand and the ringing was gone. His eyes looked into mine and my mind was clear. And I was still crying but these tears were warm and each one filled my heart a little more. I could not speak but I knew His name and he said “Trust Me” and I saw that it was Him all along. And the words ran through my ears without ringing and entered my thoughts with clarity. I could see the answers to all my questions lying deep inside those words and it was so vibrant.
I felt warmth and opened my eyes and there was the sun. They were clenched tightly together this whole time and I looked around and my hands were over my ears so I could not hear. I turned and the door was behind me wide open. There was a moment of peace and reflection but I knew what I had to do. I turned and took a step in to the doorway and the door quickly slammed shut behind me. Darkness flooded over me and my eyes were pained as they fought for focus. And just as I went to take my first step I felt a hand slide in to mine and I turned my head slightly and heard “Trust Me”.
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