Impassioned Prayer
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ~Psalm 147:3
Lord, I don’t understand.
My heart is heavy and my eyes burn. I hear the rain falling outside my window and wonder why it’s falling on everyone. Will it stop?
I’ve always known that pruning was painful and I’ve seen some light pruning over my years but nothing like this. Your shears are cutting deep and further back than I’ve ever seen. Many it seems are falling prey to the pleasures of this world. You’ve pruned and they’ve withered and fallen away.
Satan has tricked us, each in our weakest point, in to believing there’s nothing better. He’s drawn on our selfishness and brought us to places where our desires are fulfilled. When will You call them back home? Will You call them back home?
I’m a broken man, a man who sees no place here for his head. I’m not who You need me to be. I’m afraid. Yet You call me to something greater. Why me?
I have only known some for a short time but my heart breaks as though I have known their love for years. My heart gets attached so quickly and I wonder how You deal with millions breaking Yours. The ache makes it worse. I can’t sleep at night as I wrestle with the confusion.
What is your plan? What is the goal of all this? I know I can never understand all that You are or all that You are doing, but it can’t hurt to ask.
You’ve given me gifts I don’t deserve, blessings without strings and I’ve come to be humbled. Please pour me out. As my roots strive to grow deeper help me to withstand the pushing and pulling. Help me to bear fruit in all seasons. Give me strength to help others even when I feel lost and empty myself. Use me as you see fit and restrain my lips from grumbling and complaining. I commit myself to Your will. I am wholly Yours.
Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t understand what you are doing inside of me. I don’t understand why everyone seems to be falling apart. But I trust You. In the midst of all this chaos, I trust You. Thank you for listening to me in the middle of the night when no one is around.
Amen.
Confusing Peace
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus ~Phillipians 4:7
I saw it in her eyes as I slowly made my way down the line at the wake. It’s not something you can really put your finger on, not something that you can tell someone how to get or explain when you see it. I can only quantify it as “You know it when you see it”. Her eyes weren’t empty. She had just lost her son at 17 to a terrible disease but there was life still there as our eyes met.
For someone who has witnessed this themselves, and has taken part in this peace, the words that come out next aren’t the words that someone at a wake would normally hear. They are no longer words of condolence so much as words of thanks, praise, and adoration. Words that acknowledge a God who knows what He is doing and a place that transcends anything here on earth.
I’m certainly not saying she wasn’t sad or didn’t miss her son. I’m not saying I wasn’t sad about missing my friend. But the peace of God surpasses understanding and I could spend 5,000 words trying to explain it here and not do it any justice.
Some know I am going through a few major trials right now, things I thought I’d never deal with. And it’s not easy. What ever problem you are dealing with in the moment certainly seems like the biggest and impossible to overcome. But I realize that what needs to be leaned on is the Word of God. Proverbs 3:5 tells me: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”. And so I try, every day, to trust a little more.
With each finished trial comes a little more trust in the Lord for all things, a little more understanding of my place in this world, and a little more realization that He always has my best interest at heart.
A lot of Christians feel like the peace mentioned in Phillipians 4:7 is a right, that they should just have it because they asked God in to their heart one day. The verse is used a bit out of context far to often, when we only read it and not the verses that wrap it. Before it, in verses 4-6 it says: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Rejoice in the painful trials you face(1 Peter 4:13). Notice that the verses don’t say “When going through a trial God pours peace all over you like hershey syrup on ice cream”. It says “everything, by prayer and petition”. All He wants is for us to seek Him and when we do, He brings us comfort that is unexplainable. I’ve glossed over one piece of this chapter often, “The Lord is near”. How often I get in to a trial and Satan convinces me the Lord is somewhere else, busy with someones bigger problem. But the more talking I do to the Lord, the more peace He pours on me and the closer I am to Him and He to me. He is the grace and peace which cover me.
Secondly, the verses after 4:7, Phillipians 8-9 say: “if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” He says hey you know what, don’t be anxious, talk to me about everything. And after you are done put what I say in to practice as well. Don’t sulk and get caught up in earthly pleasures that can bring quick satisfaction but think about things that are excellent and praiseworthy. Think about things which bring glory to Me.
Out of all that, the peace of God will be with you. It is not a gift you just get, but it is free. If you abide in Christ, if you talk to Him, and if you keep your mind on the things of God, that peace will come. It will look odd to others, it may even feel odd to you. As you soak in it you’ll be glad you followed the entire command of Christ in Phillipians 4: 4-9. I know for me, it’s helping a ton.
Revival at what cost?
There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling. ~Ephesians 4:4
I had been thinking about this over the last few weeks, how desperately we were all seeking revival and a change of heart. Not only in this country but around the world. My conversation last week with Christians about immigration(see here) spurred me to really think about it more.
My conclusion is the Lord is moving…despite Christians.
We can’t get out of our own way. It’s ridiculous. There is so much in-fighting. So much he-said / she-said bickering that the Lord is forced to use others in our place. You’re church is not “the body”, my church is not “the body”. We are ALL the body. Knock it off. Without a doubt, God is up there saying Knock it off.
There is a lot of prayer going on around the country and world for revival. It certainly is a great prayer to have but we can not all just sit on our laurals and hope to all hope that someone else is going to do the dirty work for us. God called us to get our hands dirty. To reach out to sinners and prostitutes, to the desolate and broken hearted.
Revival needs to start in the hearts of you and me but we can not continue to preach it in to a lifeless congregation and hope that one day they’ll “get it”. Someone needs to decide to step up to the plate and take action. Is it you?
Are you willing to sacrifice? To be chastized, perhaps even by Christians, for the sake of what you believe is the true way of Jesus? Will you lose your grip on the things that are holding you back in this life? Will you give the Lord your anger, your fear? Will you put your life in His hands and make the cross your only defense?
I’ll be honest, those last words scare the crap out of me. And for a long long time I let that fear control my actions. It’s not that I was doing wrong, it was that I was doing nothing. I was sitting there waiting to join the bandwagon. Like the old saying “if you want it done right do it yourself”, I realized I could start my own bandwagon.
There is no one on this earth who can tell you what your called to do for Christ. You need to ask Him. And if there is someone trying to tell you what you can or can’t do for Jesus, or someone who is putting rules and limitations on your actions you need to figure out why and ask the Lord what He would have you do. Because you will only answer to God when the time comes and not any authority here on earth.
This all seems good on paper but maybe you’re someone out there only 16 years old and feel helpless to make a difference. I’m sharing something I figured out way to late in life; It doesn’t take much. Bring an extra sandwich and hand it to someone who needs it on your way to work, help someone out in school, hold the door for someone. Kindness spreads like wildfire. Try it and watch the doors open to share Jesus. It’s been an eye-opening experience for me. If we want revival, it starts with us, and it starts with the little things. How can we expect the Lord to entrust us with large undertakings when we aren’t willing to accept the little challenges of our day?
Shattered Dreams
But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. ~John 16:13
Today was arguably one of the worst days of my life. I saw a side of humanity I had only experienced second hand. Something I had seen in movies and heard from friends of friends but never one on one. I saw a family shattered today and it broke me.
Last Wednesday my brother was to have back surgery. A major mountain to climb for any person or family, exacerbated by the fact it had been two years in the making(a story for another day). Tuesday of that week came and the call came to unpack his bag. The surgery had been pushed a week to the following Tuesday. Even the best laid plans are but a breath to the Lord. He had bigger plans.
Chris was disappointed but took it all in stride. It would only be 7 days, and what was that, given he had waited over 729 days already?
I sat at work patiently waiting word on the surgery as I glanced at the clock hoping it would read 5pm sooner. Around 2pm I was told it went well and headed over at 5pm to visit for myself. Upon reaching the hospital I was told not only did it go well but it went so well that his hospital stay of 5 days could be as little as just one day! Who says prayer doesn’t work?? In my estimation the Lord had performed a miracle, so why was it the worst day of my life?
The man was older, perhaps early 40’s. Clutching a stand which held his IV bag he rolled in to the room to take the bed next to Chris. Following behind him was his daughter holding two coffees. She appeared about 22 with long curly hair and a pale complexion. They were reserved, quietly talking to each other as they sipped their coffee. Suddenly her hand was on his stomach, then on his leg…clearly not his daughter. Holding hands and then laying in the small medical bed only further confirmed it.
Weirded out by the whole thing I tried to ignore it and focus on a conversation with my brother and mother. Around the corner comes a little boy followed by a young girl and their mother. My initial thought was the ex-wife and kids had come to visit. Nothing really awkward seemed to occur so why would I think anything different, until I noticed the large diamond on the woman’s hand
The girl left the room moments later and the questions began. Valid questions. And in that moment I knew I had to do something. But what? There is no moment of clear conscience in a rapidly developing situation such as this. And as the lies got thicker like wading through a pool of melted marshmallow I felt sick and jittery.
I left the room, I could no longer take the level of arrogance these lies required. I headed down stairs and outside to make a phone call. I tried five different people before finally getting a hold of someone. Explaining my predicament and looking for guidance didn’t seem to clear the fog any better than I had hoped. There was no black and white answer on this, but something needed to be done. I asked for prayer from several people who had finally responded and headed back up stairs.
Do you speak to the man? Do you plead with his humanity, his moral obligation, the father? Out of his mouth spew lies that only complete his fate. Can he be trusted to understand and do the right thing?
Do you talk to the woman? Do you confirm her questions and give her the answers she seeks? Do you break through the glass and potentially separate a family?
Do you say nothing?
There were so many other questions that raced through my head as I sat there, partially fuming, partially praying. I was thrust in to a situation I did not want to be a part of. It was made my business by being done in front of me. I was torn and I honestly can say I have no idea how counselors and pastors do this on a daily basis without crying every night.
After making my decision I knew the right thing had been done. I sent a text to a friend and told them I was about to break down. I had witnessed a family shattered. They called immediately and talked to me for several minutes calming me down but I was still near tears.
My decision and the end of the story are a powerful piece to this puzzle but I leave them off because I want to pose the above questions to you. What would you do? Would you say something at all? What would you say and to who?
To even consider saying something requires your heart to be in the right place. The anger can not overshadow the situation or people involved. You must be composed and sure of your motives. The Lord must speak through you and not you speaking for the Lord.
When my brother woke about 20 minutes later he gathered a few pieces of the story from the buzz that still resonated through the room.
“What happened?” he asked.
“I’ll tell you later” I said softly. “But know one thing; This right here is why your surgery was moved.”
Mountains to molehills
if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ~1 Corinthians 13:2
A while back God really pressed upon my heart to pray for someone. I was in a broken place, a place where God’s voice and direction could not have been any clearer. And so I prayed. I prayed ferverently, both day and night, when I woke, when I went to bed, any moment I thought about this person, I prayed. Sometimes it was just a quick thought other times it was a long conversation but I have never prayed that hard in my entire life.
For 6 weeks this went on, day after day. And then one day I was given some information that forced me to a decision. You see, Satan whispers in our ears, and sometimes those words come out in our conversations with others. I should have seen this, looking back, but I took it and used to rashly. Simply put, I gave up on this person.
I wrote about this before, Daniel 10:12-13 talks about an Angel sent to Daniel as an answer to his prayers to God and how that Angel was caught up with a demon for 21 days fighting to keep him from coming. If Daniel had just given up praying on day 11 or day 20 would his answer have come?
I believe that part of the reason I gave up was because I gave up on God. Satan knew exactly what words would bring me to despair and drive me away from God. He knew what my prayers were doing, changing lives through the spiritual. And he would stop at nothing to make sure I stopped.
I pushed and pushed and pushed through the weeds that entangled me over the last several months. At times I felt like I was walking in knee deep mud in the pitch black. I couldn’t see Jesus but I knew He was there somewhere ahead so I kept on moving, even if at a snails pace. Something special happened. The closer I got the more the Lord pressed that same person on my heart again. I hadn’t blown it. There was still time. I had forgotten one thing, written here in Amos:
He who forms the mountains,
creates the wind,
and reveals his thoughts to man,
he who turns dawn to darkness,
and treads the high places of the earth-
the LORD God Almighty is his name. ~Amos 4:13
He formed the mountains and reveals His thoughts to me!! How much easier is my small little bump in the road for Him? My little hill… I had faith that He could change lives through my prayer and yet I gave up after only 6 weeks. In my world I lacked the true love needed for this person and gave up far to easy.
We serve such a BIG God. A God who formed the mountains and treads the high places. A God who told us if we only had faith the size of a mustard seed we could move mountains ourselves. When I was little I imagined this God fuming when I failed. As I’ve grown I’ve recognized His compassion and grace. I see Him now pleading and weeping for me to continue praying.
I’m beginning to understand the love my Savior has for me and the charge He’s placed on me to love others and continue to pray for them. My sins held Him to the cross and He still found it in His heart to love me and He intercedes for me dispite my shortcomings(Romans 8:34).
My point is, recognize how big our God is, how much He loves us and desires good for us, and how really simplistic the tasks He asks us to do are. Prayer can not only change lives, but the world.
This little light of mine
I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ~2 Timothy 1:6
I’m sure most of you have heard the song, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine! Hide it under a bush, oh no! I’m gonna let it shine…” and I pose this question: Why do we always make it little?”
We seem to do just enough to be Christian and just enough to conform to the world and not be labeled weirdos. In a world of black and white we live in shades of grey. Perhaps your grey is lighter than mine, but we fail to pick a side. Because of this our flame never gets any bigger. We keep it small, tend to it on Sundays and forget about it for the next 6 days.
Revelation 3:15 says “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!” Christ’s wish for us is to be smoking hot! We each need to pick a side and my prayer and hope is that you chose Christ.
In his book “Not Peace but a Sword” Vance Havner writes:
A band of genuinely converted and Spirit-filled young people, yielded to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and witnessing by life and lip to Him could shake the world, and all the social benefits some are championing so loudly would follow as secondary benefits.
Shake. the. world. How about set it on FIRE! You want real change? It only comes through Christ Jesus.
The Lord has been slowly working on me trying to fan my flame and I constantly shield it from the wind, thinking I’m protecting it from blowing out. In all reality I’ve been snuffing it out from providing any real warmth. I can no longer hold back the will of God, the stone is rolling down hill and there’s no stopping it.
There is a desire in my heart to fan the flame of others. To get people desiring Jesus and moving out into their communities helping others. We need to stop hiding our little flames, start fanning them, and start catching others on fire for Christ. Time is running out.
possessed by truth
here is an excerpt from an article jon foreman wrote on the huffington post about being possessed by truth. it’s amazing, as usual:
“My thoughts drift to religion. These are the truths that people live by and hold dear. In many ways, these are the truths that inspire our best and worst moments. The truths that motivate Mother Theresa and start religious wars. How can this be? How can fresh water and salt water come from the same hose? Perhaps it has to do with this concept of possession. If I view the truth as my possession to keep safe, I might feel the need to protect my faith. But if I am possessed by the truth, perhaps this protection is no longer needed. Maybe I am set free from the need to defend the truth, rather the truth defends me.
The idea of defending an all-powerful deity feels a bit silly when it’s put out in the wind like that. And yet, that sentiment seems to epitomize much of what religion has come to mean. After centuries of witch-hunts, inquisitions and holy wars, many are still fighting hard to defend their faith in an omnipotent God who has no need of our protection. Maybe we are still protecting our beliefs as though we were the owners of this truth.
If our faith is to be more than just a lit match in the powder-keg of differing beliefs, what role does religion play in our modern world? What would it mean to be possessed by truth rather than simply the proud owner of a particular denomination? Maybe we could start with the common ground that we all can call truth. In all of the major religions of the world I find the call to protect the less fortunate.
From the Torah:
“Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.”
Isaiah 1:17
From the Koran:
“Spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, for the ransom of slaves, to be steadfast in prayer and to practice regular charity.”
83. Section 10
From the New Testament:
“Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”
James 1:27
From Buddha:
“A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.”
The “truth” of loving those around me, the “truth” of seeking justice for the oppressed, the “truth” of a life of service — these are truths to be possessed by: to be a slave in the service of the kingdom of the heavens, to be the servant of all. If the truths in this life have no owner then we are set free: free from the need to defend the truth, free to be possessed by this truth and simply live it out. Truth becomes much too large for me to possess; truth is the beauty and authenticity which possesses me.
Maybe the meaning of life is not something that I can control, but rather a reality which possesses me. Maybe there is no life guiding “fact” that I can put in my back pocket, as though I were the sole owner of the universe. Perhaps The-Meaning-of-Life-Himself is asking me the questions. When I look at a sunset, when I hear the songs of the ocean gulls, when I feel the warmth of family and friends, I am reminded of a story that is bigger than I am. Yes, this is my story but not mine alone. Truth was never mine alone. Truth is that which possesses me.”
I met someone
I will lead the blind along ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. – Isaiah 42:16
Coming back from lunch, I parked in my familiar spot and reclined my chair. David Crowder was playing through my ipod as I day dreamed for the last 20 minutes of lunch. I like to zone out during lunch, take my mind off of things and just relax. I stare at a computer screen for 8hrs a day so breathing in some fresh air and closing my eyes does wonders to break up the day.
Moments later I caught a silhouette in my side mirror, followed it through my rear view mirror, and then suddenly through the passenger side mirror… She was walking up to my door! She caught me off guard, with a big grin waving and giving a thumbs up sign. Stunned, I fumbled for the key to roll down the window and turned down the music.
“Love the music. She said. I saw your fish sticker and thought ‘that has to be another believer.’”
She stood about 5′7″ with grey curling hair and sleek blue eyes. She was bubbling with enthusiasm as she spoke of God working and what he was doing at Ocean Spray. She wanted to invite me to a prayer meeting during lunch that she had put together with other believers.
How funny it is when your prayers are answered. Lately I’ve been struggling with finding “purpose”. I feel blind walking around every day. What is it God wants me to do? How can I make a difference every day? I sometimes feel useless in the job I have now. Computers. What am I gonna do with computers? And then a little old lady comes by and offers prayer and an opportunity.
Over the past year I’ve felt a calling to teach the word. I began helping and teaching awana (children’s church), I started a bible study on Thursday’s, and started this blog all under guidance from the Spirit. At the same time I’ve been challenged to clean up my life, to forgo the things of this world, and remove myself from situations that aren’t conducive to my relationship with Christ.
In the darkness of the days of the world I’ve struggled with all of this. The more I focus on trying to do what I’m called to do the harder Satan attacks every aspect of my life. As I’ve wrote about previously, he comes at you like a roaring lion.
I got a job interview/offer last week to work for a company in Hingham. Great group of people, good location, and a ton more money. In the interview one of them mentioned he was a Christian and told what church he went to. I was excited! God is this you? Are you telling me to leave? Are you giving me this opportunity?
On the other hand I have a great job now, great people, close to home, great benefits, but not so great pay. However, I know the Lord placed me where I am. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 the Lord says “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness”.
“My grace is sufficient”. Has he failed me over the past 2yrs? no. Have I ever not had food? no. Have my bills ever not been paid? no. And I think a part of me sees the benefits of a new job with more money and wants that for worldly reasons. Hey, I could pay down my debts, maybe I could get a new car, or fix up the house.
Yet I always come back to this one verse: “and my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”(Philippians 4:19)
Could God want me at this new job and bless me by it more abundantly than I ever could have imagined? Absolutely. In no way am I saying you have to turn down more money to serve God. What I am saying is regardless of your position and how much money you make, or how useful you feel God will use you and provide for you always. And like in Isaiah, no matter how blind you feel walking in the darkness God will work out the kinks and smooth out all the rough spots before you. Most of all continue to pray every chance you get and stay in Gods word. He will feed your soul and His plans will be revealed to you when your ready.
He told me to write a letter
He who belongs to God hears what God says. – John 8:47
Back in September I heard a voice. No I don’t need to be institutionalized. It took me a while to figure out that it wasn’t just me, that it was the Holy Spirit.
John says: But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come(16:13).
Okay, lets backtrack to January 8, 2006. My then girlfriends father gave me a recliner. Very long story short I decided to pick up the recliner and carry it into the house by myself. Being muscle man and all, I figured no big deal. 12 hours later four paramedics were lugging my large body out the door an into an ambulance. Turns out I had 3 degenerated discs and 2 were herniated.
Over the next year and a half I struggled to cope with my pain, but more importantly, my trial. Then on August 27, 2007 I did something I thought I’d never do: I had back surgery. Immediately all the nerve pain in my leg was gone. Physical therapy had helped my back strength and the surgery had cured what I felt was incurable, excruciating nerve pain.
So, mid September roles around and I get this urge to write a letter. “Write a letter to Dr. Lapp and June Stott and thank them.” What? You want me to do what? I blew it off as me trying to glorify myself. “Look at me, I write thank you letters”. Nah, I’m not going to do. But the voice got stronger and stronger as I prayed about it.
Sometime in October I sat down and wrote a simple letter. Less than a page, it simply said thank you for sound advice, for not forcing surgery first, for allowing me to go back to doing normal things like taking a walk, and for using the amazing gift God has given them both. I mailed it out and expected no response and up until now, nearly 2 months later, forgot I had even written it.
November 27, 2007 – 11:39am. My phone rings. I check my voicemail and it’s the secretary from the doctors office. My heart sinks as I know what this is about. I still owe them plenty of money, money I don’t have. “Dr Lapp just wanted to know if he could give your number to a patient who has some questions about surgery and wanted to talk to someone who had it done.” Huh? Sure, Lord. I will talk to her.
What did I learn from this? Look for the Lord in EVERYTHING. What are you eating for breakfast? What shirt should I wear? You never know when you’re going to change someone’s life. Seek and you will find… Matthew 7:7. If you love the Lord He will speak to you, and if you open yourself to whatever He asks, He’ll blow your mind.
She hasn’t called yet, and I have no idea what to say to her but I’m not afraid. I have a new prayer as I sit down today, “Give me the words.” And I have no doubt the Holy Spirit will guide my words and give her exactly what she needs.
