Impassioned Prayer
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ~Psalm 147:3
Lord, I don’t understand.
My heart is heavy and my eyes burn. I hear the rain falling outside my window and wonder why it’s falling on everyone. Will it stop?
I’ve always known that pruning was painful and I’ve seen some light pruning over my years but nothing like this. Your shears are cutting deep and further back than I’ve ever seen. Many it seems are falling prey to the pleasures of this world. You’ve pruned and they’ve withered and fallen away.
Satan has tricked us, each in our weakest point, in to believing there’s nothing better. He’s drawn on our selfishness and brought us to places where our desires are fulfilled. When will You call them back home? Will You call them back home?
I’m a broken man, a man who sees no place here for his head. I’m not who You need me to be. I’m afraid. Yet You call me to something greater. Why me?
I have only known some for a short time but my heart breaks as though I have known their love for years. My heart gets attached so quickly and I wonder how You deal with millions breaking Yours. The ache makes it worse. I can’t sleep at night as I wrestle with the confusion.
What is your plan? What is the goal of all this? I know I can never understand all that You are or all that You are doing, but it can’t hurt to ask.
You’ve given me gifts I don’t deserve, blessings without strings and I’ve come to be humbled. Please pour me out. As my roots strive to grow deeper help me to withstand the pushing and pulling. Help me to bear fruit in all seasons. Give me strength to help others even when I feel lost and empty myself. Use me as you see fit and restrain my lips from grumbling and complaining. I commit myself to Your will. I am wholly Yours.
Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t understand what you are doing inside of me. I don’t understand why everyone seems to be falling apart. But I trust You. In the midst of all this chaos, I trust You. Thank you for listening to me in the middle of the night when no one is around.
Amen.
FAQ
- Q: What’s with the name?
- Psalm 118:22 Names Jesus as the stone the builders rejected which has now become the capstone.
- Matthew 21:44 calls on us to fall on the Stone and be broken.
- 1 Peter 2:5 calls us living stones being built in to a spiritual house by the Lord.
A:
- The name stems from a couple of verses:
- Q: Why grey and red?
- Red: Hebrews 9:14 – The blood of Jesus Christ which cleanses us from our sins.
- Grey: Matthew 6:24 – There is black and there is white yet we all try to live in this grey area of life which is unacceptable in God’s eyes.
A:
We make it far to easy
Now they sin more and more; ~Hosea 13:2
Over the past couple of weeks I have been working in Boston for a company near the Garden. While I do feel blessed to have a job in this economy, I also hate getting up that early to do something I don’t feel benefits the kingdom of God in any respect.
Early Thursday morning, after rolling out of bed at 5am I began my trek to the train station in the center of town. There was a fresh coat of snow on the ground and it continued to fall from the sky. I threw on my jacket and pulled my hat down over my head.
As is generally the case when I’m alone with my thoughts, I had an epiphany.
About halfway to the train station I realized I had been following earlier footsteps in the snow. Some were freshly stomped, as clear as day. Their impressions were pushed down to the black pavement below. Others had a dusting of white snow beginning to shade their direction.
As a continued to walk I noticed that my paces were longer than those already pressed in to the snow. I’m a tall guy and wrote it off as my legs being longer than those who walked before me. The shoe size seemed to be the same though… Scuffs had marked some of the steps ahead of me and it clicked in my head. They were tired. The steps were beginning to shuffle along rather than being fully picked up; They were losing momentum.
We make it far to easy for Satan to track us. We plod along and our sin makes the next temptation that much easier to succumb to. Following those deep impressions in the snow was very easy. I didn’t need to be right behind the person to know where they were headed. The Bible says Satan prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. A lion does not make himself known to his prey but sneaks behind it’s prey, pouncing when they least expect it
Hebrews 12:1 says “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” We have a tendency to get tired. We’re only human. And in our weakness we begin shuffling our feet and stumbling around. Our run becomes a jog and then a walk, until finally we’re stopped. A lion searching for prey doesn’t attack the strong gazelle at the head of the pack but finds that wounded straggler on the outskirts who has seemingly given up.
How much easier than for Satan to attack when he sees us shuffling our feet? It’s one thing to stumble, but when we do and refuse to turn to Jesus for help our stride becomes shorter, our shoulders sag, and our feet begin shuffling underneath us.
Repent and seek the Lord in your time of need. When your run becomes a walk seek His face. “wash me, and I will be whiter than snow”(Psalm 51:7). Just like those steps in the snow, Jesus covers us with his grace, hiding our footsteps and washing us whiter than snow. The longer that snow came falling gently on the footsteps the harder it was to see them and follow them.
It seems like such a simple concept. Ask and you will find him(Matthew 7:8). But I struggle with it daily. I want to rely on my own ability to get out of a situation and in turn push my steps farther into the snow. I’m in a funk and I justify it by saying “I don’t know how to get out of it.” The truth of the matter is, I do, I just choose not to.
Let the horse do the work
“I want you to take your hands off the reigns and trot over the bars without holding on.” The instructor said.
“You want me to do what?” I looked down at her perplexed from atop a beautiful, large horse. I hadn’t ridden on a horse in over 20 years and I had only been on this one for about 15 minutes.
“You’re leaning forward with your shoulders, using your own power to keep you up.” She replied. “You need to sit back more and allow the horse to do the work.”
I’m a sports guy, I’ve played them my entire life. The instructor went on to explain that in sports you are trained to lead with your shoulder and in horseback riding it’s the complete opposite. There’s this large, powerful horse underneath you, and if you try to hard to control him you never end up going the right way.
Reluctantly I let go, and went trotting over the bars laid out on the ground. My arms stretched out wide, I felt so unstable and was terrified I was going to go flying off.
“Go again.” She said.
Sometimes we feel like we are so wrapped up in sin that there is no way out. I’m in to deep we say. And we start pulling on the reigns in panic. We pull and we tug, and we twist, and when we look up we realize we aren’t where we wanted to be.
In John 8 the Pharisees bring a women caught in the act of adultery and throw her at Jesus feet. We all know the story, Jesus stoops down and writes in the sand and says “if any of you are without sin, cast the first stone”.
There’s a disappointing point in this story: “At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time”. Who knows what Jesus wrote in the sand, maybe He was pointing out their sins. But don’t you wish that verse said “At this, they were grieved, and repented and they wept with Jesus”?
We are so conditioned to not want to hear the truth and we fight it when we are (Galatians 4:16). We argue, “I can do what I want, God forgives all sins.” While that is true, God’s grace is not permission to live like the world. If we continue to keep pulling the reigns we’re not going to head down the path the Lord has for us.
Just like my instructor, Jesus didn’t say hey go work on that, fix your life, come back and then we can talk. No! He talked to her right then and there, broken and naked, full of sin. My instructor didn’t condemn me but correct me and guide me. In the same way, Jesus did not come to condemn, but convict(John 3). Satan is the one in your ear condemning you, mocking you, and making you feel like you can’t get out.
As the Pharisees all walked away they left her in the best place she could be: alone with Jesus. And at that moment, alone with the Lord, is where He gives us direction. “Go and sin no more” He said.
I was left alone with my instructor. I could have chosen to keep my hands on the reigns and try to ride it out but she was only trying to allow me to grow and learn. And as I let go and allowed that strong horse to carry me I was a little terrified but when it was over I was proud of my accomplishment and stronger than before.
1 Peter 5:10 says “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you”. You may be going through a trial right now. Maybe you are terrified to let go. But know that as Peter says, after you suffer the Lord will perfect you, establish you, strengthen you, and settle you.
Rely on the grace of the Lord. It’s not because we deserve it, it’s because He loves us and wants to give it to us. His grace is sufficient because His power is made perfect in our weakness. When we learn to let go and expose our weakness the Lord shows us His power to get us through what we thought was impossible.
As I rounded the circle and trotted back towards the bars for the second time, I spread my arms outstretched and let go. My mind raced with fear of falling but I pressed on, trusting the horse to do what he does time and time again, and when it was over I was strengthened.
As Christians we sit on the back of Jesus, the most powerful place we could be, but we don’t trust Him when we get in difficult situations. We pull and tug and try to use our own power but it just sends us in circles. When we finally let go and let Him lead us He delivers us from our trials and takes us to greener pastures(Psalm 23).
Walking in Darkness
Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. ~Psalm 62:8
A little story I thought I’d pass along.
I hear a still small voice saying “trust me” as fears and doubts pour in my head daily. And I speak back saying “I want to but I can’t see you”. I feel like I’m in a pitch black building with no windows. There are obstacles all over the place and I’m bumping my knees and stubbing my toes. I’m crying, part from fear, part from pain, and I just want to get to the door where there is fresh air and sunlight. There are whispers all around and I hear the scurrying of little feet like nails on a chalkboard. My flesh tenses and my head darts from side to side but I still see nothing. I’ve been walking for hours and from the outside everyone could see that I’m walking in circles, but not me. The fears and doubts clutter my mind. They confuse my feet and keep me searching for answers I’ll never find. These moments keep me distracted from the door. I lose focus of where it is as I’m engaged in fighting the urge to scream at every creak and whisper. I bang my shin and am spun in another direction. Yet I don’t realize it because I’m worried about the pain. I run my fingers down it to feel the pain. Is there blood, is it broken? Do I need a banage? Can I walk? And stand up once again from my crouch, weary, as I head further in to the darkness but I’m heading south and the door isn’t this way. It’s been months, maybe years. I feel hungry and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth, parched for water. My back is aching with shooting pains and my feet are blistered and bleeding.
And I hear it again, “trust me”. And I’m terrified.
“Is that You? I can’t see your face, who’s there?”
“Trust Me”.
I get discouraged. “How did I get here? LORD! how did I get here?”
Suddenly a flicker like a low burning candle in the distance. A quick glimmer casts a shadow. To my left, I CAN SEE IT! I turn and start to run, but my run turns to a hobble. I’m broken and hurting and can’t run. I’m limping as fast as I can and striving to make it. Have I found the way? And as quickly as it appeared I’ve lost the light. Are my eyes playing tricks on me? Was it there? “I can do this” I think to myself. But my stride has fallen off and I’m walking again. Both hands stretched out in front of me passing frantically from left to right checking for danger.
I begin thinking about that voice. Trust me. What should I trust for? What decision was it meant for? I’ve asked so many questions and gotten no answers. Do I take the job or not? “trust me”. Do I end this relationship? “trust me”. My heart sinks as I realize how broken and disoriented I really am. The answer was there each time and yet I kept waiting. Dragging out the terms for a yes or a no, listening for only the word I wanted to hear. But there was no ‘yes’ and there was no ‘no’.
I felt something and looked down and He was holding my hand. And He reached up and touched my ear with His other hand and the ringing was gone. His eyes looked into mine and my mind was clear. And I was still crying but these tears were warm and each one filled my heart a little more. I could not speak but I knew His name and he said “Trust Me” and I saw that it was Him all along. And the words ran through my ears without ringing and entered my thoughts with clarity. I could see the answers to all my questions lying deep inside those words and it was so vibrant.
I felt warmth and opened my eyes and there was the sun. They were clenched tightly together this whole time and I looked around and my hands were over my ears so I could not hear. I turned and the door was behind me wide open. There was a moment of peace and reflection but I knew what I had to do. I turned and took a step in to the doorway and the door quickly slammed shut behind me. Darkness flooded over me and my eyes were pained as they fought for focus. And just as I went to take my first step I felt a hand slide in to mine and I turned my head slightly and heard “Trust Me”.
Salt Water Taffy
…but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. – John 4:14
I love salt water taffy! One minute you’re chewing on cinnamon, the next mint chocolate. Any flavor you can imagine probably exists as a piece of salt water taffy somewhere. One of the best and worst parts is how chewy and sticky it really is. It gets stuck so far down in your teeth you taste it for hours.
As I grabbed a piece from the candy jar at the pet store the other day it got me thinking; I’m just like this little piece of taffy. In the scope of things this little piece of taffy is insignificant. If it fell on the ground, or got dirty and was unusable we’d throw it away. We get dirty every day with sins we don’t even realize we commit. Yet Jesus comes along and cleans us off, gives us a purpose, and sets us on our way. In Psalm 51:7 David cries out to God for the sins he has committed. “wash me, and I will be whiter than snow”.
If you’ve ever left a piece of taffy out for an extended period of time you know what happens. As the air gets to it, it dries out and becomes brittle. If you dropped it, or smashed it with something it would splinter into hundreds of tiny pieces. In John 4 as Jesus is sitting by this well He offers a sinner living water. The dirtiest of dirty people, she comes to the well in the heat of the day when no one is around. She’s had 5 husbands, and lives with another man, yet living water is hers if she asks.
Take that little piece of dried out taffy and pour water on it. Take your hands and start pushing on it. Roll it over in the water as your pry and bend and mold it. The water seeps back in and slowly but surely that little piece of brittle taffy takes on new life. It’s moldable again.
When I was little my dad used to take me to a baseball card store that sold old packs of baseball cards. Packs from the 70’s and 80’s that never got opened. I remember going in and buying a pack that came with a piece of gum. I crunched down on it and it nearly disintegrated in my mouth. To be honest, it was disgusting. I kept chewing and before long I had a usable piece of gum.
I struggle sometimes with being stale. I’m saved, I pray every day, I rely on God to guide me in everything and yet sometimes I get so busy or so down that I forget to read the Word. When I get stale and a trial comes I’m libel to be smashed to pieces. I’m dried up and ripe for the pickin. When we read the Word the living water is poured over us and it allows God to mold us again. We are bendable and trials may stretch us thin but we won’t break.
To date there are an estimated 6 billion people on earth. To this world you and I are insignificant. We’re like little pieces of taffy. If we get dirty we just get tossed away. But to Jesus we are precious, each and every one. And if we get stale He’s there when we ask, to pour out living water and make you the salt of the earth. He’ll make you pliable and it may not be comfortable at first but the blessings you receive will be much greater as He makes you into a usable vessel.
You’re an equal
…Proclaim to it the message I give to you. – Jonah 3:2
Yesterday was media day at the Super Bowl. A general circus of reporters clamour for players attention and ask some of the most ludicrous questions you could imagine.
My team, the Patriots, are in the Super Bowl this year and as such I was interested in what would be said, who would be talking, etc… About 20 minutes in to the event a reporter asked Tom Brady what his purpose in life was. “Why do you have this platform?” he asked.
Hmmm…
Jonah had a platform. He was charged with going into Nineveh and proclaiming God’s message. Scared, he ran from God but our God is so big there’s nowhere to hide. God will never force us to do what he asks but we will face trials by disobeying. Once we obey we find that what He asks of us was never more than we can bear. It wasn’t so bad after all.
For the longest time I wanted a giant platform. How cool would it be to be Tom Brady? To sit on that stage, in front of hundreds of reporters, broadcast on ESPN all over the world and proclaim Jesus Christ is Lord! I could make a difference!
It took me a long time to realize that I had a platform all along. Tom Brady couldn’t get to know each person individually at a computer company. It just wouldn’t work. Some don’t follow football, most don’t get the metro look. But God knew I could.
For most of us we are only concerned about ourselves. We want a different job and a better bigger platform. I couldn’t be a doctor but there are Christian brothers out there right now curing ailments and bringing God’s message to hospital staff and patients.
Like Jonah we run and try to do what is best for us. Once we surrender and stop thinking about ourselves we can begin to exact change in our very own backyards. Jonah finally obeyed and saved an entire city from destruction and hell.
Psalm 96:2 says: “Sing to the Lord, praise His name; proclaim His salvation day after day.” Be happy with where you are. You’re there for a reason doing a task only God felt you could handle. You may hate it, as I sometimes do, but remember that nothing is impossible with God and your platform is just as important as ever other. What is your purpose in life?
