Impassioned Prayer
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ~Psalm 147:3
Lord, I don’t understand.
My heart is heavy and my eyes burn. I hear the rain falling outside my window and wonder why it’s falling on everyone. Will it stop?
I’ve always known that pruning was painful and I’ve seen some light pruning over my years but nothing like this. Your shears are cutting deep and further back than I’ve ever seen. Many it seems are falling prey to the pleasures of this world. You’ve pruned and they’ve withered and fallen away.
Satan has tricked us, each in our weakest point, in to believing there’s nothing better. He’s drawn on our selfishness and brought us to places where our desires are fulfilled. When will You call them back home? Will You call them back home?
I’m a broken man, a man who sees no place here for his head. I’m not who You need me to be. I’m afraid. Yet You call me to something greater. Why me?
I have only known some for a short time but my heart breaks as though I have known their love for years. My heart gets attached so quickly and I wonder how You deal with millions breaking Yours. The ache makes it worse. I can’t sleep at night as I wrestle with the confusion.
What is your plan? What is the goal of all this? I know I can never understand all that You are or all that You are doing, but it can’t hurt to ask.
You’ve given me gifts I don’t deserve, blessings without strings and I’ve come to be humbled. Please pour me out. As my roots strive to grow deeper help me to withstand the pushing and pulling. Help me to bear fruit in all seasons. Give me strength to help others even when I feel lost and empty myself. Use me as you see fit and restrain my lips from grumbling and complaining. I commit myself to Your will. I am wholly Yours.
Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t understand what you are doing inside of me. I don’t understand why everyone seems to be falling apart. But I trust You. In the midst of all this chaos, I trust You. Thank you for listening to me in the middle of the night when no one is around.
Amen.
Are you satisfied?
…that they might be with Him and the he might send them out to preach and to have authority to drive out demons. ~Mark 3:14-15
Am I satisfied with 2 out of 3?
We can be complacent and okay with being with him and speaking about Him openly but what about the authority He has given us? The authority to bring change to someone else life. Am I willing to take that next step and grab hold of the authority?
The short answer, for me anyway, is no. I’ve been completely satisfied rolling along in my life living day by day. And each day I wake up and ask myself “what am I doing?”, yet I keep doing it over and over.
I’m saved, and if it gets brought up I’m happy to say that I believe in Jesus and what He’s done for me, but I lack the faith to grasp that authority and in essence be all I can be.
As I was waiting for my train the other day I spotted a small turtle on the tracks. He was inbetween the two rails and was lazily moving towards the other side. There was no hope for him. He was far to small to get over the tall steel rail.
As the metal began tinging ever so slightly I knew his time was running out. He had reached the other side, but realizing he could not climb over, he had stopped. The train rolled around the corner and I caught a glimpse of the turtle ducking for cover inside his shell as the large locomotive went right overhead. Goodbye mister turtle.
I waited as the train left, and something miraculous happened. The wheel had missed. His head poked out of his shell, he slowly turned around but He headed right back the way he came!
Are you kidding me? Angels must be up there marveling at our ineptitude. I lack the faith to trust that Jesus is going to come pick me up and lift me over the hurdle so I turn around and head back to the place I knew.
Read Numbers 13 and 14. Verse 13:1, the Lord tells Moses he’s giving them the land but by verse 3 of chapter 14 they want to go back to Egypt! Jesus has given us the authority to change lives. We are indwelled with the Holy Spirit but when the time comes and something suddenly blocks our path we tend to go back to what we know rather than pushing through to the place the Lord has for us.
Don’t be like that turtle, satisfied with walking between two points over and over and ducking for cover every time a trouble comes your way. Recognize the pattern, focus on Christ and let Him be your eyes when you can’t see, your ears when you can’t hear, and your strength when you feel weak. He can pick you up and over that hurdle and set your feet on solid ground.
That turtle had the whole world on the other side of that rail but lacked the faith to reach it.
Let the horse do the work
“I want you to take your hands off the reigns and trot over the bars without holding on.” The instructor said.
“You want me to do what?” I looked down at her perplexed from atop a beautiful, large horse. I hadn’t ridden on a horse in over 20 years and I had only been on this one for about 15 minutes.
“You’re leaning forward with your shoulders, using your own power to keep you up.” She replied. “You need to sit back more and allow the horse to do the work.”
I’m a sports guy, I’ve played them my entire life. The instructor went on to explain that in sports you are trained to lead with your shoulder and in horseback riding it’s the complete opposite. There’s this large, powerful horse underneath you, and if you try to hard to control him you never end up going the right way.
Reluctantly I let go, and went trotting over the bars laid out on the ground. My arms stretched out wide, I felt so unstable and was terrified I was going to go flying off.
“Go again.” She said.
Sometimes we feel like we are so wrapped up in sin that there is no way out. I’m in to deep we say. And we start pulling on the reigns in panic. We pull and we tug, and we twist, and when we look up we realize we aren’t where we wanted to be.
In John 8 the Pharisees bring a women caught in the act of adultery and throw her at Jesus feet. We all know the story, Jesus stoops down and writes in the sand and says “if any of you are without sin, cast the first stone”.
There’s a disappointing point in this story: “At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time”. Who knows what Jesus wrote in the sand, maybe He was pointing out their sins. But don’t you wish that verse said “At this, they were grieved, and repented and they wept with Jesus”?
We are so conditioned to not want to hear the truth and we fight it when we are (Galatians 4:16). We argue, “I can do what I want, God forgives all sins.” While that is true, God’s grace is not permission to live like the world. If we continue to keep pulling the reigns we’re not going to head down the path the Lord has for us.
Just like my instructor, Jesus didn’t say hey go work on that, fix your life, come back and then we can talk. No! He talked to her right then and there, broken and naked, full of sin. My instructor didn’t condemn me but correct me and guide me. In the same way, Jesus did not come to condemn, but convict(John 3). Satan is the one in your ear condemning you, mocking you, and making you feel like you can’t get out.
As the Pharisees all walked away they left her in the best place she could be: alone with Jesus. And at that moment, alone with the Lord, is where He gives us direction. “Go and sin no more” He said.
I was left alone with my instructor. I could have chosen to keep my hands on the reigns and try to ride it out but she was only trying to allow me to grow and learn. And as I let go and allowed that strong horse to carry me I was a little terrified but when it was over I was proud of my accomplishment and stronger than before.
1 Peter 5:10 says “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you”. You may be going through a trial right now. Maybe you are terrified to let go. But know that as Peter says, after you suffer the Lord will perfect you, establish you, strengthen you, and settle you.
Rely on the grace of the Lord. It’s not because we deserve it, it’s because He loves us and wants to give it to us. His grace is sufficient because His power is made perfect in our weakness. When we learn to let go and expose our weakness the Lord shows us His power to get us through what we thought was impossible.
As I rounded the circle and trotted back towards the bars for the second time, I spread my arms outstretched and let go. My mind raced with fear of falling but I pressed on, trusting the horse to do what he does time and time again, and when it was over I was strengthened.
As Christians we sit on the back of Jesus, the most powerful place we could be, but we don’t trust Him when we get in difficult situations. We pull and tug and try to use our own power but it just sends us in circles. When we finally let go and let Him lead us He delivers us from our trials and takes us to greener pastures(Psalm 23).
if Jesus is not who he says he was
i will stand up for my own rights
i will fight for what i deserve
happiness and self-fulfillment will be my main pursuits
i will despise neighbor and enemy alike if they infringe upon my ability to seek happiness
i will destroy my brother for personal gain
i will die for the material
i will love and honor myself above all else
if Jesus is not who he says he was…
i will seek wealth
i will seek power
i will seek strength
i will repay evil for evil.
-dave-
He told me to write a letter
He who belongs to God hears what God says. – John 8:47
Back in September I heard a voice. No I don’t need to be institutionalized. It took me a while to figure out that it wasn’t just me, that it was the Holy Spirit.
John says: But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come(16:13).
Okay, lets backtrack to January 8, 2006. My then girlfriends father gave me a recliner. Very long story short I decided to pick up the recliner and carry it into the house by myself. Being muscle man and all, I figured no big deal. 12 hours later four paramedics were lugging my large body out the door an into an ambulance. Turns out I had 3 degenerated discs and 2 were herniated.
Over the next year and a half I struggled to cope with my pain, but more importantly, my trial. Then on August 27, 2007 I did something I thought I’d never do: I had back surgery. Immediately all the nerve pain in my leg was gone. Physical therapy had helped my back strength and the surgery had cured what I felt was incurable, excruciating nerve pain.
So, mid September roles around and I get this urge to write a letter. “Write a letter to Dr. Lapp and June Stott and thank them.” What? You want me to do what? I blew it off as me trying to glorify myself. “Look at me, I write thank you letters”. Nah, I’m not going to do. But the voice got stronger and stronger as I prayed about it.
Sometime in October I sat down and wrote a simple letter. Less than a page, it simply said thank you for sound advice, for not forcing surgery first, for allowing me to go back to doing normal things like taking a walk, and for using the amazing gift God has given them both. I mailed it out and expected no response and up until now, nearly 2 months later, forgot I had even written it.
November 27, 2007 – 11:39am. My phone rings. I check my voicemail and it’s the secretary from the doctors office. My heart sinks as I know what this is about. I still owe them plenty of money, money I don’t have. “Dr Lapp just wanted to know if he could give your number to a patient who has some questions about surgery and wanted to talk to someone who had it done.” Huh? Sure, Lord. I will talk to her.
What did I learn from this? Look for the Lord in EVERYTHING. What are you eating for breakfast? What shirt should I wear? You never know when you’re going to change someone’s life. Seek and you will find… Matthew 7:7. If you love the Lord He will speak to you, and if you open yourself to whatever He asks, He’ll blow your mind.
She hasn’t called yet, and I have no idea what to say to her but I’m not afraid. I have a new prayer as I sit down today, “Give me the words.” And I have no doubt the Holy Spirit will guide my words and give her exactly what she needs.
